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Sunday, January 29, 2012

Who? What? Where?

Alright, majorly slacking, with writing on here. My world has been changing so fast recently. I'm told that brain injuries aren't very accommodating of change, so that's my excuse. In the past week, I've had one roommate move out, another move in, began the seemingly endless process of rectification for my government funded housing, ran outdoors (what is with this weather?). Been snow boarding, which you can check out on my fb wall). (That was definitely the highlight of me week.). I have no idea how the adaptive instructors are able to deal with so many varying types of difficulties. I rode with the help of a woman, who attempted to ride backwards facing me to give me hand held support. Last year, I had worked with a guy, who usually chose to not use his board, and would walk facing me. Yurns out, thats more ideal. Our boards overlapped, and I experienced my first crash of the season. Snow boarding is no where near as exhilarating as it once was, but I love that they're willing to work with me, and my goal of one day being able to ride independently, or, how I used to. It was amazing to see a couple of familiar faces from last year. My desperate need to do everything on my own, for myself, always has to be put away, when I'm snowboarding. That is never easy for me, but learning how to coexist with my disabilities, is not an easy trip,but no one ever said it would be.
I'm slowly acclimating to life with a new roommate. We made it official, last week, by signing the paperwork for the housing authority, and meeting with the coordinator from homeshare. I'm so relieved things are more are less normal between us. You never know who you'll end up with, until a bit of time has passed. She's one of the first roommates I've had, since I've lived here, where I feel completely comfortable speaking up about what does and doesn't work for me. I'm trying to be open to more natural means of household cleaners at the moment. I use what I use right now, because I know it kills whatever gets left behind on the counters. She uses vinegar and baking soda, which i know some people use, and swear by, but I had completely forgotten vinegar existed in the first place, and can't be around an open container of it anymore. Hopefully, we've come to an agreement where we'll each clean, but in our own ways. My sinuses despise vinegar, a fact I know from having to mop the kitchen, of one of the restaurants I served in, back in the day. I didn't actually remember that, until I smelled it again.
I'm really hoping this arrangement works out, as my case manager fills my head with horror stories about this particular organization. It's really hard to be in a place in your life, where you need to re-learn who you are, and want to be, yet you have very little control over who you spend your time with. This country has a vast amount of social issues/travesties, and for me it's relatively easy to see why. I don't have the answers on how to fix it though. I just watch and listen to everything that goes on around me, which, may actually be the one thing I adore about my injury. My eyes aren't near as observant as they once were, however, my ears pick up a ridiculous amount of garbage, wherever I go. It's interesting how one sense takes a hit, and others become heightened, as a result. I will always prefer my vision to what it was 5 yrs ago, but I feel pretty Dan luck to see as well as I do now, especially considering that it's relatively unheard for people with vision loss to regain it.

Random side note, today, I realized it's been over a year since the last time I rode a horse. The 'old guy' I used to ride, Walter, a cantankerous Morgan, died last winter, and I already felt like I was wearing out my welcome, in terms of the time and energy required by others to help me 'get back in the saddle'. I don't think I realized how much I missed them, until, I was home. In Maine, my life was built around horses. In college I had trouble figuring out how to fit them in, and split for a year, and took a job where I got paid room and board, to ride everyday. Riding on the English countryside everyday, was a dream come true, and somehow made feeling so, immediately alone, worth it, because the freedom of riding was so fulfilling. I've decided that is probably why I push myself so hard tregain my former freedoms. If you are brought up without the ability to relize the beauty of independence and self-sufficiency, than you probably never will, unless someone takes the time to help change your preset mold, and you're willing to open your mind.

1 comment:

Julie/Mom said...

Another great post! Did you read the comment from your last post from Jenny? If not, read it.....it's interesting!
Glad things are working out for the most part and glad you are keeping an open mind. We all need to!
Love you!