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Wednesday, January 18, 2012

Happy MLK Day!

Well, I took the leap, and downloaded the blogger app on the iPad. I didn't want to buy it, so I got the one for the iPhone, as it was free. Turns out , being cheap doesn't always pay. The screen doesn't reformat to the size of the iPad screen. On the bright side, one of my biggest hesitations about the iPhone, aside from cost, had always been the usability of the touch screen for me. I'm pleased to report that even though the letters teeny I am still doing well with it, for the most part. This must be fascinating to read...
Im bored writing about it...

On to more intriguing topics(hopefully). I'll go back to detail my Monday and MartinLuther King Day. I can honestly say I've never been part of MLK celebrations before. Back in college, during Alternative Spring Break, I gained a newfound appreciation for his life's work, while leading Alternative Spring Break in Atlanta. His legacy practically filled the air, really giving our entire group a pure sense of accomplishment, because, we were able to benefit from his lessons about giving back to the community/world.

Anyways, a typical Monday fore, means I spend time at CHIPS, to work on my internship there. They were closed for the holiday, but were involved in sponsoring several community oriented volunteer projects. I spent most of day, actually making and hand writing cards and letters for members of the Amed services. A really unique idea, I thought. In the process, I met amazing people, all donating their time and energy to these projects. I sat with a number of Ameri-corps members. It was a lot of fun for me to have an opportunity to socially interact with other people in my my age group. I've tried to forget how much I miss having a social life. I have friends, but they're always so difficult to get a hold of, and I usually decide, There are other ways to spend my time. I.e. at the gym, pretending I can cook, or writing. And, of course life's normal evils as well, like Facebook. I suppose I appreciate the fact, my tendency to hang out alone is somewhat abnormal, I mean it fells like it is, but it also feels totally abnormal in many social situations, mostly because I can't think of anything I want to say, and people are now afraid to ask me questions. At first, I was kind of offended by that, but, once I realized that people were just afraid to ask questions about why I have certain difficulties. I understand that, because we always find talking about situations were not familiar with, uncomfortable. That is why I'm trying to make more of an effort to introduce myself, as, "hi, I'm Courtney, I have a brain injury, which is why I sound the way I do. Please ask whatever questions, you have, and I hope you won't mind if I ask for help , if I need some. In that situation, that worked amazingly well, and I learned all about various Americorps programs, angt to know some new people. I feel like such a nerd for having written that. It slightly resembles a lab report or something. Oh well, I suppose in writing about my strange day to day exploits, it's a bit easier to mentally disassociate myself from the strange world my brain inhabits. Also, while crafting my lovely cards, one of the daughters of the family I lived with, when I fort got put of the hospital, came in, with her boys. It was While wonderful to catch up with her and see the boys. The amount they've grown is an excellent gauge for me to realize how much time has passed sine my injury. I think, the youngest, sammy, was born the same yearI had my injury. I can't believe this year, will be 5 years! I'm not at all where I thought I would be by now, but I also more comprehensively understand the magnitude of my injury. Whoa... Distracted much? Back to MLK day, I'm going to estimate, I made between 8 and 10 cards. Which is waay more than I anticipated being able tomake and write out. My hand writing is almost now at the same level of illegibility it always was. Lucky for me, most people in my age group have similar handwriting, as well.
We eventually cleaned the ridiculous mess of paper, wrappers, and glue, mostly. I was so thankful to have met that group of Americorps volunteers, as they let me hitch a ride with them to the volunteer dinner at the high school. The chef, a locally renowned one at that, was another Courtney. She explained the meal she had prepared, and her talk was followed by a local historian, and lawyer, who had a truly unique perspective on the life,history, and memory of Martin Luther King.
And, my story doesn't end here.
The amazing Americorps ladies I'd spent the day with, also helped me get to kirtan, as dinner wrapped up later than planned. Burlington is a much more closely knit community than I ever realize. I've become accustomed to explaining kirtan to many people. Weirdly, most people in my age group, that I've met recently, have heard of it, or know people that go. There are always new faces, each week. It's a relatively transient group, but the core group is always there. I usually like to hang around after, and try to talk to people. Although, last night, I slid against a wall, and had a little nap. I woke up a bit later, feeling more alert, but also like a bit of a nut, for having needed a nap, especially in such busy little house. By this time, I couldn't tell if peope were going out, or home. The little group I was with offered me the choice to stay and pass out again, or go out go out for food. Of course I chose food, and soon found myself walking, or in the car in search of food after midnight. It was like a very odd sense of deja vu for me. it used to be a pretty common occurrence for me to be hunting for prepared food at all hours of the night, before I obtained this injury, but I'm pretty unfamiliar with Burlington nightlife these days. In college, we were obsessed with these breakfast sandwiches called rise and shiners. I have them 2 or 3 times since, and always forget that if you're not drunk, they are a despicable excuse for food. Every time I have one, and immediately wonder why I decided to eat it. I may never realize I cant ever go back to life the way it was, but I'll die trying. Not really, but kkd is always an awful reminder that life probably never will be as carefree as it once was. I recognize that is not a bad thing, but I just find the way I've had to learn and relearn some of these lessons, so excruciatingly frustrating. Along the same vein of thought, my friend kept mocking me, by referring to me as princess, a term I sincerely loath, as I assimilate that to being referred to as a self absorbed bitch. When we said good nite I explained my sensitivity to that term, comes from my my family mocking m with that term when I was young. I explained that because I'd wanted a reasoning for that term, or at least thoughts or suggestions on how to correct whatever unappealing behaviors I now seem to manifest. Identifying the problem, is the biggest help for me, because I can't look into changing my behavior, if I don't know I have a problem. That's true for everything though. I suppose I'm angry at myself for having allowed myself to be viewed in such an appalling manner. It's true, I suppose, the less you think of yourself, the less others will think of you too, Holy exclamatory remarks, I genuinely despise my thoughts presently. Not so pretty now, eh? But overall Monday was an amazing day, even if I did have to face the ugly truth in some respects.

4 comments:

DAD said...

THANK YOU once again! you writing helps me alot to know some of your inner thougt! :)

It does sound like a great day!

Patri said...

Courtney, it's so great that you are getting involved in all of these wonderful workshops and programs. I continue to be amazed at your writing ability & love to hear what your days are like.
BTW: The way you deal with issues (i.e.:the princess thing) sounds very sane and non-threatening. It took me until my 50's to start really looking at myself...so you are way ahead of the game, Sweetie!

Marti said...

I totally agree with Patricia. Sometimes, it takes a lifetime to learn and accept who you are and you're already there, Court.

Your writings continue to impress us all.

I think you are headed for something great!

Julie/Mom said...

WOW!! that was a great post. It must be fun to remember the alternative spring break times that you helped lead. You've had some amazing times in your young life and will continue on that path...I just know it!
Your fan club loves your blog writing..thank you so much!
Love you!