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Wednesday, January 4, 2012

Another year gone by.".

Happy 2012!!

  Well, another year down.  As with every year, you take the good, with the bad.  I felt like I learned more about myself, as in who I was, who I am, and who I want to be in this year alone.  I finally came off of my altzheimers, memory drug this summer, which felt like an amazing breakthrough, but, it's pretty frightening for my sub conscious when I realize the things I can lead myself to believe, and then engage others in conversation about situations my mind likes to fabricate.  CRAZY...  Thankfully, I've only done that. Twice that I recall.  Though, it's my assumption that those who suffer from a clinićally diagnosed form of dementia.  Sometimes I feel like I have the perspective of an elderly person growing young again, just because of where I've been, and what I've been through in the last 4 yrs.

My plans are generally rather loose in terms of making actual decisions about timing of events.  My friend and I had planned to arrive at 430, however, she was running late making quiche, and I was playing with my moms fancy new laundry facilities, to hopefully return with clean clothes.

Val and I headed for the heaping plume of soot,  and burning embers, which was much more difficult to discern than I'd anticipated.  I immediately settled myself into. A plastic adirodak char to strangely leer at the smoldering fire.  My self appointed position was immediately deferred when my friend came up and demanded that I huck some damp sticks at the fire. It seemed like the number of sticksI was handed may be endless, and not one of them resulted in the miniature explosion of embers, I remember being dazzled by, when I was a kid.  After a while people began to disappear, and just as I was wondering when we might go in to hunt for food, many others reappeared with heaping plates of food,  The 5 of us. Were growing hungrier with each moment that passed, and as the flames died down a bit, we all re relinquished  our seats, and headed inside for a late dinner.  We also had a slightly belated birthday celebration, for, the only male among us, Erin's boyfriend Matt.  He gladly endured a Rhoda family rendition of happy birthday.  This rendition is so atrocious, it at times hurts your own ears.  I love it,for it's utter ridiculousness, and because I feel entirely comfortable releasing my horrendous hinging abilities in front of others, as rash person sounds intentionally worse than the other.  So ridiculous.  After birthday merriment subside, we all changed into bathing suits, and hit the sauna.  In years passed, we've gathered at their home to ring in the new year in the hot tub.    However, this year, it had suffered a power and was more likable to an ice tub.  Not as appeasing.  In all the years I've know them, I never knew one of their out buildings was actually a sauna.  It brought back childhood memories, as that was the last time I'd been in one.  It was such a refreshing start to the new  year.  

New Years Day, I awoke stairs at home around 10.  Have to admit I was slightly dismayed to have awoken so late on my last day at home.  For once, I wad all packed up and ready, when I awoke.  I went downstairs to find everybody in the kitchen.  It was a bit emotional for all of us.  We have some weird family dynamics presently, and it's hard to sort out and dal with openly, because there always seems to be a weird facade enveloping us.  When were all together, it's just how I remember everything being, when I was a teen.  Now, were all independents, who reconvene for holidays or big family events.    So strange... Wait, did you forget who you were reding about...

Later in the day, my dear friend zVal was coming to give me a lift back to Btown.  Our planned 130departure time turned into a 430 departure when my friend called to announce the fact that her car was seeding gasoline all over the place.  She arrived 3 hrs later in her parents car.  My mom and Marty helped cart the seemingly endless amount of crapI had with me.  I only came with 2 small bags.  I think I left with 6. SCARY.  I managed to find homes for all of it, but still' the longer I live here, the les space I have.  I'm beginning to feel a little enclosed in my own space.  Christmas often has that effect for me because there so much extra stuff that goes along with it.  Eek.

Well, now, I'm back to life as I know it presently.  Oh God...


Julie/Mom said...

Christmas was fast and fleeting, as usual but I certainly enjoyed it. Your new years party sounds like fun and I'm so glad you got to see all your old high school buds....they're all a great group of people!
It's interesting to hear how your perspective has changed since you discontinued the memory drug, kind of like "the strange case of Benjamin Button".
Glad you are happy to be back in your own space but I surely miss you.
Keep on bloggin!!! Nice work!

Patricia said...

Courtney, I love your blog! You sound good and thankful for your life....Happy New YEar!

Anonymous said...

Thanks for the blog. 2012, keep the hammer down...


Anonymous said...

they say that depending on where the brain was affected personality can change. I see you are still who you have always been...
no matter what you do you can accomplish so much in life. you do not need to abuse your situation to get what you want. just use your brain and TAKE the time you need to state what you need to accomplish a goal... instead of being ashamed later about who you have been be who you are