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Monday, January 23, 2012

Yikes, Monday already...

I tend to look forward to each Monday, as it's the one day, where I feel like a part of the world, vocationally and socially. Although, I haven't been super productive today. Outlined my goals with my job coach type this morning, thought, I'd scheduled my ride, but probably didn't, or they confused, what I'd said, but got a ride, and had a marginally productive day in 'the office'. I'm attempting to make a historical building marginally handicapped accessible, for kids with mobility issues. Some days I go in, and feel like this project may not be possible, and kind of tread water. Other days I go in, and get stuff done. I was pretty pleased with myself Monday, as I had little to no direction, and began drafting a grant proposal to a local foundation. I've never written a grant before, and the website wasn't particularly informative regarding requirements, so I had zero to go on. I'll have to wait until next week, to get any feed back about what I wrote. The most difficult thing about this internship, is that I only go in once a week. It's like going in full steam ahead, and being cut off every week. In order to get things done, I need to devote myself to a project and do it all at once. Otherwise, I wind up distracted and off track. Which might be why I've been there 4 months haven't accomplished anything tangible... Yet. My therapists like to tell me I feel this way, because of my brain injury. I find those statements ridiculous, because these are the exact same frustrations I experienced in college. I can't decide if I feel lucky I remember so much of who I was, or not. On the one hand, that is the reason why I push so hard to get the desired result, but it also means I'm constant measuring myself, to an 'impossible' dream. Obj, that's not a great way to word it. How about the sky's the limit. There we go...

I've also decided I despise waiting for the bus home, in the dark. I freak out that the driver won't see me, or that I'll fall in the road, if I stand to close to it. Though, I'm happy to report none of that happened. Eventually, the bus came, and I got back to my apartment and happily dug into the quiche I'd made the night before. Yes, I cooked something. Can you believe it? Not bad either. Only thing it was missing was meat. But, I have a strange phobia of cooking meat. Love to eat it, but have somehow convinced myself, if I'm responsible for-cooking it, death may occur. Probably because I know nothing about cooking it. This may also be why whenever I go out to eat, I've earned credibility as a voracious carnivore. Oh well, there are worse things...

4 comments:

Patricia said...

Courtney, you are so on target about feeling like you're cut off when you can only work one day a week! The same thing happens to me, even if I work on something for 3 days! I want to get it done....So, you are sooo validated with that feeling.
Glad you are cooking...the quiche story made me hungry for it!

Julie/Mom said...

It's too bad your internship isn't more than one day a week but alas, it beats a blank.
It scares me to think of you waiting for the bus after dark, esp. now that I have reade your thoughts about it. Be safe, be careful....blah-blah-blah and all those other "motherly ditherings".
You know I'll never stop worrying about you .....nor will I ever love you more!!

Jenny F. said...

Courtney, Patricia has been telling me about your story since I first met her. I'm an old friend/former neighbor of Patricia's partner, Jim. I work at Krempels Center in Portsmouth, NH. If you don't know about us, please check us out: krempelscenter.org. And we're on Facebook.

I'm sitting here on Sunday morning, drinking coffee and reading your blog. You're a wonderful writer and your gains are so inspirational!

I see that you have a link to Caleb's mom's blog. Sometimes they come up from Wellfleet for a visit to Krempels. Both Caleb and Sharyn are amazing people!

I so wish you lived closer. If you ever want to come for a visit to Krempels, I have an extra bedroom and it's yours for a few nights. Also, I see you're running - wow! We do the largest 5k in the Seacoast area every Memorial Day weekend - it's Krempels largest fundraiser. It's a fun event, we have food, beer, a band, etc. You might want to think about it.

I hope to hear from you. -Jenny Freeman

Courtney said...

Hi Jenny, Thanks for your comment, Funny, how interconnected the world is, Caleb and I were at Spaulding rehab. Hops. In Boston, at the same time. I also have an old professor from UVM, whose close with them, and the link was posted, so that people could follow his progress too. I still have to check out crumple website. Thank you so much for posting, I'd love to meet you at some point! Also, will look up that race. Thank you! My email is ccblasius@gmail.com.