Monday, February 21, 2011
Today is a snow day for me. Ordinarily I spend 6 hrs in class, though it's also UVM spring break. However, today's weather, which shut the city down. There was a red alert this morning prohibiting motorists from attempting to use roads, because the city was having difficulty getting to their snow removal equipment. Alas, I've been more than pleased to be holed up in the apartment.Well, I'm new to the idea of sharing my thoughts with the world, though here I am. My friends, family and therapists all say that looking back on the progress I've made is a really important part of moving forward. I am now 3 1/2 years into my rehab. It's extremely odd to me how long it has taken for me to realize the severity of my injury mentally. I've never been all that forthcoming with my feelings, and looking back all I can see is where voicing my thoughts would've benefited me vastly. Early on, tthose thoughts and opinions simply weren't available to me. Knowing that my opinions were being overlooked and or disregarded because of my inability to verbalize them has got to be one of the most fruSTrtrating experience one can endure. Add a loss of all motor ability, and a lack of clarity of speech and weclome to my world. My words here wont ever give justice to the anguish (in every sense of the word) that is endured. These past few month my brain has figured out connections to feelings again, which is great at first. Then, I get out in the world and am suddenly nervous about how strangers view me, and finding myself fuming when people talk over me, or less than tactfully close me out of a conversation, whereas, I barely even noticed or cared when others treated me with such disregard a few months ago. I'm not entirely sure how wrap this up, I guess to put things in my perspective, I sti have truely haneous days, many mediocre days, as well as the less often, though always revered amazing days. I never would've viewed myself as some who took things in life for granted. Looking back, my definition of taking life for granted was so skewed. I foolishly assumed that because I had put time and energy into learning something, I would more or less always have that ability. I now have to consider myself extremely fortunate that my brain still has the capacity to create new pathways. Let me tell you, coming around to a concept like that is slow painstaking work, but the only other option is lying around in a heap, always needing help. Let's face it, if you actually know, I don't really have to say, "why bother?" Well, on that charming note, I'm off to go flounder in the snow for a bit.