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Tuesday, August 14, 2012

Breaking bad habits...

I'm not certain I have the strength to break one of mine, but, I've always thought that recognizing your problem is the first step. Although, I thought that's what I was doing today, when going over last weeks ruckus, I'd caused in my 'team' meeting. Apparently, the way I sstate my reasons for my problems, it ends conversations. I've recently started to become more aware of this annoying/fearsome trait I've been developing. I find it quite unpleant/awkward when I find myself talking to someone who does this. It struck me as passive/aggressive, and whiny. That's no fun. I've recognized this, in myself recently. Mostly, when I'm being questioned or, even attacked. I feel like I've come down with the small-minded excuse syndrome, that has turned me into a social leper. Or will, if it hasn't happened already. I've recognized myself doing, what i think is explaining my problem,and the conversation immediately dies, and I don't know why, in the moment. Knowing that I come across as a negative person from time to time, is a horrendous realization, for me, anyways. I talk to other people, who also do this, and I realize it's a conversation ender. It's not an intentional choice, but , nonetheless it occurs. This kind of statement just leaves no room for argument, or assistance. I despise it when someone does that to me, so I want to be able to recognize when I'm about to do it to someone else. I don't even know how this happened, but yuck! Yep, it's a bad day, when you realize you are your own worst enemy, and there I go again..

Realizing who I am today, has never been the easiest trick in the book for me, I'd prefer to live life oblivious, and un-assuming. I just realized those are cards I no longer hold, and probably never will again. This whole re-learning who I, and others are, period, in my 27 years, makes me feel very juvenile. It's not like I'm expecting to ever figure it out completely, but. I'd at least like to be comfortable with who I am. Yet, the first step is to ditch the whiny explanations, and figure out what I can do, instead of why I can't do something. Yep, no problem, that's an easy one, right?

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

Good morning!
Hummmmm..... My little voice, sometimes won't shut up...
One strong recommendation is to take some time to enjoy those successes that you have earned. They are also building blocks. Too frequently, I blow then off. There is a personal gain and sometimes they are hard earned!
You are very strong in motivation, reasoning, writing. Sometimes we forget our strengths, but they are always part of who we are. As you pointed out, sometimes the challenge can be to turn a weakness into a strength.
Of course easier said then done. I try to write it down, look at it everyday, and keep it fresh. Somedays are better than others. Progress is the short term goal.

Love,
Dad

Julie/Mom said...

Your Dad stated it well. And you are right, recognizing the problem is half the battle. So, onward and upward. Now starts a new page!
Love you!

Marti said...

I love it that you're so open and honest about yourself. This inspires others to do the same. It takes some people 60 or more years to do this (me).

While it's important to recognize of our faults, it's just as important to recognize and celebrate our strengths. And you have many.

See you soon!