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Friday, September 21, 2012

Freaky Friday

It's been an interesting week, trying to get acclimated to a new roommate/care provider. I hate writing that, but I have funding to provide rent in exchange for the help I need getting places, and general support. I've learned that I am terrible with laying down the law for these people, and often receive nothing, other than a bad taste for these people. In theory , this should be a real asset for an individual with a disability, though, in practice it's often a way to have my resources taken advantage of. Somewhere, there is a line between petty disagreement, and laying down the law. I have a really hard time laying down the law, as I don't like having it done to me, and prefer to naïvely assume that others are equipped with the necessary abilities, boundaries, and self-control to handle occasionally assisting me with transportation, and the occasional mobility deficit, or processing issue I may encounter. What is interesting to me about dealing with this situation, is that I realize this is the first time since my injury that I've had the foresight or introspection to realize I'm letting my assets be taken advantage of. It's also the first time I've been able to immediately explain my difficulties with someone. I'm re-learning who I am, and I need for whoever I bring in to be a good role model. However, I've yet to find one in the last year, apparently. I'm not happy in my living situation, but really, who wants to have to hire a roommate?

In other news, the woman who assists me with my vocational interests, has also decided to help me work with a barn to do some horse-back riding again. Hopefully, I'll be the subject of a 17 year old girls internship in hippo therapy. I met her last Tuesday, she seemed nice, though a little on edge. What really struck me though, was her appearance. I've become pretty accustomed to having to tell people I'm in my late 20's, and getting the response, "Gosh, I thought you were about 16. I cringe every time I hear that. It seems that's what I get for choosing to not wear make-up. I don't usually like the way I look with it on, plus I've always been a crier. That does not mix well with mascara. However, meeting this girl, I suddenly realized that is part of why I look so young to people. I realized. Oh well, at least now I realize why people think I look so young. That aside, I felt so at home in the barn, meeting mama and foal, as well as assorted boarders, and lesson horses. If her internship paperwork goes through, I can hopefully start next week. Keep my fingers crossed.

This morning, I had a meeting with my supervisor at the transportation agency where I have a part time job. It's been a rough start, as everyone had different ideas about how to accommodate my needs. I'm so impressed with this mans willingness to listen to my thoughts, regarding the position itself, what I observe, as well as the fact that I think I allowed my brain injury team to be to over zealous in regards to accommodations. We decided on a way for me to submit my paperwork more efficiently, rather than me struggling to do everything on the iPad. It's an awesome tool, but it's not a magical tool that makes everything effortless, which is how I feel my brain injury team approaches it. Actually, a lot of brain injury in general. Brain-injury is an umbrella term for any disorder in the brain these days, from concussions, strokes, or blunt force trauma to the head. It seems too complex for people with (me) and without brain injuries. Though, that's the way it is, so we pick out what we think is best, and move forward from there.

After my morning meeting, which I jogged to, I carried on, and ventured down toward the bike-path with a killer hill work-out. Was far too overdressed Fo this 70 degree day, but what are you supposed to do when it's. 50 degrees, as you head out the door?
It's been somewhat challenging to come back from an amazing adaptive adventure, to the day to day drudgery, but at least I'm getting to a point where I feel like everyday is a step in the right direction, even if, it's a difficult day!


Dad said...

Awesome Post! I like that, " feel like everyday I'm heading in the right direction"!

Julie/Mom said...

It's so interesting to read your thoughts and how things are perceived by you as well as others. I hope the roommate ordeal rectifys itself, although it seems like the "free rent" aspect does get in the way. Keep heading in the right's all any of us can do! Love to read your blog!

Marti said...

I agree - you ARE heading in the right direction. All of us feel that day to day life is a bit boring, until something fun happens!

Best of luck and keep writing. Many of us feel that you are headed for something big. Your passion and boundless determination will certainly get you there.