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Sunday, July 29, 2012

Social Life!?

I remember back in the early days, this whole living alone ordeal had me unwilling to accept i had social/ cognitive difficulties. Lately, and really for the first time in this process, I'm feeling pretty lonely. I go out everyday, and usually meet a friend or go to an activity, but I'm surprised how disconcerting I find it. Also, now, that I'm living on my own, I'm realizing what a slob I am. When my place is a mess, I have no one to blame, but myself. But, I almost think that is good for me, to realize how sloppy I am in my cleaning practices. A friend of mine, who I know through Zumba at the Y came over to make brunch with me. I was maybe a tad over eager in promising I could make crepes, as whatever I made, were more like pancake crepe-bits, as in a millimeter too thick, and I couldn't seem to correct them. The last time I tried this venture, it the first 3 were rubbish, but the rest were pretty okay. Not so, Saturday. They were thick and crumbly, and difficult to unstick from the pan. Oops.

Sabrina saved us , and made an omelette like concoction of eggs and vegetables, and I redeemed myself, in my opinion, by creating smoothies.

The night before, I'd gone out to dinner with a different friend, Bill, who is usually game for tagging along on my outdoor ventures. Being that he's leaving town, we grabbed dinner. I had decided to wear flip flops, unwilling to acknowledge that they're hard for me to walk in now. I don't understand why they make me fall, but they do. I always assume its a different reason I fall, as It makes no sense to me, but everytime I wear them, I do a face plant. And everytime, I refuse to acknowledge my own stupidity and inability to wear them. I used to wear flip flops all summer long, so now that my walking has progressed as much as it has, I keep telling myself, it's just a bad day. But this fall, was like a bizarre trip into the land of deja vu. Last year I'd been trying to wear flip flops on the same walk down the hill. Apparently, I didn't learn from my mistake. Both times, I ended up, not so gracefully rolling dow the hilll a bit. And, what's worse is that I had the same thought, as I so gracefully extricated my body from the brick sidewalk, "thank God I'm not wearing a skirt.". Why my first thought isn't Ouch, I'm an idiot," I don't know. Very weird. We made it down the hill to Our House, which is one of my favorite local restaurants, only to be informed we had to wait 40 minutes. Let's just say, if it's after 8, and I haven't eaten since lunch, I'm not a happy camper when told I have to wait. We continued down the hill to Tiny Thai, which also has an excellent menu, I really only order one thing on the menu when I go. I never acquired a taste for spicy food, so, I like the coconut milk curry. The only problem I've found HS that it varies in hotness every time I order it. Sometimes it's great balance of sweet and spicy, others,!its all sweet, or all spicy. Regardless, my eyes water, while my moth adjusts to the "spice.". I love to go out to eat, since my cooking ventures often end up like my earlier detailed crepes, but somewhere in this process I developed some anxiety about the amount of time I take to consume a meal, as well as the fact I have a difficult time holding a conversation while eating. Do I really want to be the person at the table who doesn't talk, and somehow how ends up with a large portion of food in my lap? NO, but I often forget, I can't actually blame these issues on my brain injury, as I've always had these problems, and no one really complains openly about it. I guess I'm just in the awkward phase of re-learning how to deal with social fears. Oh joy.


Marti said...

Remember the picture of you as a baby with a ring of chocolate around your mouth? I love that picture!

Don't worry, I'm almost as messy as you. I always need extra napkins and a hose after dinner.

Julie/Mom said...

yes, as your Aunt Marti says more or less, you come by the food thing honestly! Could be worse.
I can't wear flip-flops anymore! Fortunately I did learn to not wear them outside!! haha...
Love you, Mom