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Friday, October 19, 2012

Gloomy, yet, fun fall days

I feel a need to sum up my week in general today. I've been been a little down recently. A little bit of everything really. It's like I woke up one morning, and realized how very different my life is now, from anything I'd ever planned for. It's not as though I feel like things are hopeless, it's more like re-learning to put life in perspective. I still can't decide exactly where I want to go from here, but, my plan is to go ahead, jump right in, and figure things out along the way, as we all do. We all. Face our own sets of challenges each day. Therefor, who am I to whine about my brain injury, and all of the ridiculous situations I find myself in, because of. It's as though I've been slated to return to elementary school in my 20's, yet gotten kicked out, and had to eek out an existence that I, nor others understand. Anyways, that said, I know I'm still trudging forward, despite the sinking fear I will be stuck on government programs forever. I'm convinced, this environment and rigid programming, us responsible for the insipid numbers of ever increasing social disorders in this country. This Is so not what I intended for tonight's topic to be. Although, now I'm curios if there are case studies involving this type of hypothesis. Can you tell I studied sciences in college? Anyways, I'm just reaching what feels like a mental tipping point, in regards to what I'll tolerate. Apparently, not much at the moment, but that's a huge leap from the past few years, where it rarely occured to me to change a situation I didn't care for. I also have a hard time, the more I become aware of how fortunate I am, to not only have the abilities, and mobility I do today, when 5 years ago, we were all told there wasn't any hope that I'd regain much of anything. I got out easy, in those days, as I don't actually recall much of it, I can just read the blog, from those days. That's actually been so helpful Fo me, as I progress, to maintain awareness and insight about the ever so long journey I've been on. Last week, I genuinely felt crushed, by life, in general here. I felt bad for myself, and was consistently upset with each piece of my life. Over the weekend, I worked out, running, spinning, and attempting yoga. Monday, I cleaned my living space, tried to regain focus, practiced my tongue twisters, from a new vocal teacher I've sought out. Not a therapist, but a teacher, of annunciation, and diction. I really need help in this area, and am hopeful working with someone trained, only for the modification the sound, and volume, at least, in my case, will be the ticket. I then, ran 4 miles , and brought banana bread I'd made to a pot luck. Tuesday, was a little back slide, I still ran, and did all of un done house chores, that take me unreasonable amounts of time, such as laundry, and cat box replacement. I could not detest the task of laundry any more than I do, because it is so time consuming, to wash, dry, sort and put away clothes. Takes upwards of 4 hours for me. But, I did it, all in one go. My reward to myself, was to go for a run. You, probably think that's weird, but, running gets rid if the negative energy I don't want to carry around.
That evening, I attended a mini-gala at CHIPS, where I interned last year. I've decided to become a board member there, and was able to attend my first board meeting. As well, as have a conversation about job openings within the office. It was a remarkable night, for me, to once again understand, and relive the meanings if compassion, rand respect. They are so fortunate, as a community to have staff members who go the extra mile to complete all projects to appropriate standards, and beyond. Wednesday, I already detailed for you, about the anti-gravity treadmill, and my vocal training, and of course more running. Thursday, Hillary and I got back on track with our yoga classes, to begin, and end the day. In between, I did some of my typical idiotic moves, such as trying to scale a grassy, though vertical hill. Looking back, I could've exercised better judgement in trying to do that. I look at physical challenges very simply. You don't know what you can do, until you try. I ever so gracefully ascended 2 steps, only to loose my footing, and land in a heap. Here's hoping no one saw that ridiculous try. It's funny writing about the ridiculous things I try to see if I can do. Only now does it occur to me, that to an unknowing observer, I must appear, well, crazy... Though I probably have already thought that for quite a while...
The reason for that stroll I just detailed, was to harass a local non-profit, Local Motion, about potential opportunities to partner with local adaptive organizations, to increase awareness, and get more people, of every ability, out and moving. They were very receptive, and I look forward to potentially helping them put together an event.
That brings me to today, Friday. Dressed to run, yet never actually made myself get out there. Our fall this year, is more reminiscent of a typical NE spring. Cold, and rainy... I had no desire to subject myself to the elements. Instead, I had a slow morning, before getting a ride to a local rock gym, Petra Cliffs. Back in the day, 2007, I shared an apartment with some college friends. It was a duplex, and the couple in the other apartment ran Petra Cliffs. Having that connection made approaching them so much easier for me. I already knew they were warm, friendly souls, and was optimistic they'd be interested in putting an adaptive event together. The meeting went so well, and Andrea immediately reached out to her adaptive contacts, so that we might all be able to partner, and hopefully reach a larger volume of people! Andrea, if you read this, you hung-go willingness to help me pull off an all inclusive adaptive event made my week, and I got to test run on a zero G treadmill this week, so, it was a pretty great week already!
After Petra,the 'dream team was reunited, yep, Hillary and I, and we grabbed lunch, before I had my 1st meeting with a new psychologist. This gas been a part of my rehab. program, I rarely want to detail for several reasons. I had a different one, up until last spring, when I threw in the towel, since I never felt I gained anything from those meetings. I finally pulled the trigger, and met with a new one today. I've only spent an hour there, although the difference in my ability to feel comfortable sharing who I am, was dramatic. I even made it through my whole story without tearing up, which I don't know that I've ever done. Such a dramatic difference, I'm beyond mystified as to why people with the same job title can impact your psyche so differently. Unbelievable. Leaving, I didn't have a definitive plan, but, was so relieved to find a message saying a jogger had been located for me to use in DC next weekend, at the Marine Corps Marathon 10K, next weekend. Such a relief, because I was having difficulty locating one, among friends in that area. Relief!
We ended the day, and week, by celebrating fall, and making my annual fall trip to Adams Farm Market in Williston. They make apple cider slushies that are beyond amazing, in my book! Writing that, I crave another...

15 comments:

Anonymous said...

:) apple cider slushies...
I love your post! Thanks for your
great insights!

Love,
Dad

Julie/Mom said...

Well, that is quite the blog this week! Love hearing about all your goings on and how each thing makes you feel now compared to a few years ago. Congrats on a new psycologist...it's just like making new friends....some click right away and others don't. Hope this one works out! Have another slushy cutie!. love you the most!

Marti said...

I love the way you are able to focus on the positive things in your life when you feel down. That's key to your continue success in your recovery! Best of luck next week in DC too. Sounds like another great adventure for you.

Love you!

Aunt Marti

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