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Monday, October 8, 2012

Dear US government/state of Vermont government programming,

I HATE YOU!!! I don't mean to sound unappreciative for the assistance you've given me over the years, but here I am 5 years later, an angry, emotional wreck, because I put my heart and soul, everything I have, into my rehab. program, and what do I have to show for it? Dozens of Medicaid treatment denial letters, a job 10 hours a week that actually makes me regret having taken it in the first place, and a list of roommates/live in aids longer than the list of guys I've dated in my lifetime. What am I to do? I graduated from college, only to spend the next 5 yrs fighting tooth and nail, to regain a life that I can identify with. I just don't understand why for every step forward, I fall back 4 miles, in some other regard. For those of you who question my motivation to run> I run because the repetitive aerobic motion allows me to rid myself of the angst, negativity, poorly planned and implemented systems I accepted as part of my rehab. program. I changes my mindset completely, and I look forward to every day I'm able to run. Also, because there was a time, not very long ago, when I couldn't imagine heading out the door to go for a run. When I fall into a miserable funk, I can put on my shoes, grab my ridiculous baby-less jogger, and go! Such a release!

I'm at wits end, I clearly cannot succeed the way you'd like me to, nor can I succeed the way I'd like to. I suppose it's time to put my sneakers on...


Dad said...

Hi kid,
Sneakers are our best friend sometimes.... We can get out, to think , not to think , to feel our bodies, to see all we can take in and just to be!

Julie/Mom said...

It is so frustrating to hear these things and more so to live them , I'm sure. I am happy to see you out running to clear you head of the "red tape", etc. that the government seems to constantly present. Keep running and writing...perhaps someone will read it who can help.