The trouble with hope...

It's usually my standard MO to not really get too excited about the prospect of fancy medical techniques or procedures, as I know .from experience, I'll fall. Hard if I don't get what I wanted or expected. Although, today, I had met my guard down, as I was overjoyed about the possibility of getting LASIK, the laser eye surgery. Done, as I despise glasses, and I can't feel my fingertips anymore, which means I am basically unable to wear contacts, as I can't put them in my eyes. Recently, I found an optometrist I liked, who told me of a laser eye surgeon she knew of, who was local, and might possibly work with me ad a charity case. I was warned it probably wouldn't be free, as there are unavoidable costs involving the laser, which they do not foot. I had a consultation on Wednesday, to see if I could be considered a candidate. I found out I could be, which was a great relief! But , only if my visual field testing showed that I had enough peripheral vision. Today, they got my tests from 2010, and said they weren't comfortable performing the surgery on me, as I had such a limited field of vision. I wondered aloud what year the records they were looking at, we're from.2008. It is an inexplicable miracle, how much my eyesight has improved since then. I looked at my tests last night, and the improvent isn't to perfect , but I now process what I see in most area of the eye. Before, I only saw from the upper right quadrant in both eyes. Today, I see pretty well, in both of the right quadrants, as well as the lower left. My left upper quadrant still not so much, but I'll take what I can get. Seeing those results made me do pleased, as it's proof my eyes are still improving! They called me back, while we're at the grocery store, to inform me that I was once again a candidate. Bug , also to discuss the cost of the procedure. Apparently, their normal charge is $3000 per eye. They offered me a 50% discount, which is quite generous, though still not anywhere within my price range, or what I'd imagined a "small percentage" might be. There's no denying that this would be a long term investment, but living on government funds doesn't exactly make payments possible. It is my goal to change my situation this year, but even do, I haven't been gainfully employed for almost 5 years, and incurring debt, even if I do see better just isn't financially justifiable. Additionally, I've heard from multiple sources, that this procedure is $1000 per eye in Canada. No, I won't have the vision I was hoping for this summer, on my adventures, but at least I now know I have this option when I can afford to make payments on it. And I thought I was doing so well by not getting my hopes up. When I received the first phone call that my vision wasn't good enough, I was upset, but I'd prepared myself for that possibility. And when I learned I was again, an eligible candidate, but the cost was so much more than what I'd assumed charity LASIK night be, I was furious. I got to be the sobbing idiot wandering around the grocery store, which makes me even angrier, because I can't contro my emotions. I was proud of myself for getting my shopping done, even though I was whimpering , and clinging to a wad of t.p. As I am just that classy.

I'll probably never learn to stick with my gut feelings, but, at the end of the day, I'm still an eligible candidate for LASIK, even if it's not as soon as I'd hoped. An the BEST new that my visual field is still improving!!