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Thursday, December 8, 2011

Getting through the week...

Never a dull moment these days... My week started off, with me arriving at my internship 3 hrs late because of miscommunication (what else is new). And some intriguing conversation following a spiritual chanting group Ive been attending. Tuesday was my psychologists app, which I've already gone into enough detail, with my frustrations regarding that part of my week. Tuesday eve. Is photoshop class. Wednesday was meeting with my case manager at 9, followed by a meeting with the woman who oversees my work exploits, to discuss how I want to proceed, and to finally orchestrate the correct paperwork, in the correct sequence, so that I might finally see theb$5/hr paycheck from voc rehab, I'm apparently supposed to be getting. Oh wouldn't it be nicer. I hope were finally on the right track, but I'm not holding my breath after 3 months. The experience in itself is priceless. To have endured 3 painstaking years in a physical state where professionals just weren't able to accertain the fact that mind was actually viable, just the operating mechanisms to express it were out of order. It was by no means in great shape, yet still vastly more intelligent than It was ever given credit for. And then there's the fact I most often give other people the benefit of the doubt. If there's a problem with something, I would venally accept the blame, as I didn't realize everyone makes mistakes. After so many days of your disconnects, failures, and weaknesses being pointed out to you repeatedly, I can't not assume it's an unusual pattern. Everyday, something is a struggle, but I'm finally putting prices of my old self back together, and had my ah-ha moment, when I realized that no one has perfect days, where all cylinders are firing in the correct sequence. In hear day in and day out, that these programs are onl here to help me ge back to being a self sufficient person. Instead of a clear path from A to B, it's quite possibly the most mind-glowingly, I'll-conceived, haphazard path ever conceived. Why because the w
Apparent way to fix a problem, is just to cover it up, and possibly pretend it's no longer there. And people wonder why were facing such economic devastation right now? Curious? Not really. I'm probably repeating myself, but I can use my 'get out of jail free card' because I have a brain injury. Oookay, I'm clearly still up in arms, look out world...
Well, today is Thursday, I got up and spoke to my dad on the phone. When zI ended the call, I was suddenly struck by a compulsive need to clean my apartment, anyone whose ever stepped foot in my little world, is well aware that I am not a neat freak, of any sort. My standards of cleanliness, equate to being able to see the floor, and trying not to have mold growing, at least visibly. Am I proud of this fact, no. Am I aware that everyone has different standards, yes. Do I try to maintain a passable standard of cleanliness to keep myself out of harms way (literally and figuratively) oh yeah.still crazy frustrated about being emotionally willed to live by someone else's standards. What's even worse is when the people who are paid to mind wash you into believing these guidelines (regulations). I say it that way a because they're presented as guidelines, but if you have any reason to counter these guidelines, you need to to prepare yourself with at least 3 definiveve reasons, as to why, specially you object, and alternative methods you propose to to provide yourself, and hopefully others with a more amenable solution. The real key trick, however, is to figure out how to present yourself, without coming off as egotistical, self-obsessed, or threateningly, in any way, shape, or form. When you challenge someone whose life's work is based on helping others, the last thing you want to do is make them feel like they're not appreciated. I wish that I had been able to put that together so, so long ago. Weirdly, it seems to be that simple. Why it isn't more clear in our society, is a quandary I may always have.
After my OT session, I needed to go grocery shopping. A typical week, I spend about $40 at hannafords. Which is not very much con siding I do my best to eat more natural or morganic simply because I'm not interested in finding out how some molecule that has been subatomically rearranged 9 zillion time is going to affect my body negatively. Based on my family history, I'm pretty certain I'll wind up with cancer at some point. I'm choosingvto put my efforts into taking care of myself now, to better my chances down the line. I hope it's that simple, even though odds are, it's not. We have created acworld that is too complex for our own good. Yard, Inkeep going off on these tangents, and forgetting about the actal story I was telling.
I do my best to attend a aqua fitness class at the YMCA every thurday. This is one of the best things I've done for myself, physically, it basically require my brai to coordinate my appendages when I tell it to. Which is not something I'm good at. The left side of my body responds way slower, and much more spastically, than my right. Being in the water, wearing a floatie, offers me resistance, and a much safer medium for me to try and move around in ways that I used to. One of the women, who often teaches the class, has taken a shine to me, and will directly ask me questions, offer suggesttions, and now everyone is really accepting of how I maneuver in their world, at least in that setting. Which is so cool, because sometimes all it takes, is one open mind. Who says were not herd animals? Ugh, case in point. That's all for now folks.


Anonymous said...

OMG you did what.... Just kidding
So HO HO HO see you soon! Thanks for the post too!

Marti said...

I love it that you're writing so much! Keep going!