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Saturday, February 18, 2012

Rambling thoughts...

No idea what to write about today. I often get up early Saturday's, to go a spin class, that I often don't get there early enough to even get a bike. I forgot to call for a ride yesterday, so I opted to sleep the morning away instead. Later, I'll head downtown to check out the farmers market, and some kind of seed swap type-deal my roommate helped organize. I hadn't been able to figure out exactly what it was, and was curious. I wanted to check out the farmers market before hand, but sleeping all morning wasn't particularly conducive to that. I feel like my old , manic need to be busy at all times is slowly returning. Probably why I've made as much progress, as I have, though I now realize that is one of the reasons I come off as intimidating to others. It would be so nice if we could all admit that we get nervous, and why. It seems so asinine, because most people just avoid each-other, so as not to feel so awkward. Doing my rehab here has given me a really unique perspective on how other people see me. I always thought that people didn't like me, if they wouldn't talk to me, or somehow appeared nervous. Now that I no longer live in an enclave of college students, and am starting to re-enter the community, I'm finding people are so much more approachable, than I'd ever previously thought anyone was.
When I was a teenager, I remember hanging out with some of my closest friends, and my friend Val, in particular, would be stopped, and told how beautiful she was, pretty regularly. I will always remember, how she'd kindly thank then, but be blatantly annoyed that she had received this lovely compliment. I couldn't understand it, until it started happening to me. It seems like such z kind thing to say, but when stated in a impersonal manner, by someone that doesn't know you, it's totally weird, and a little freaky. Beauty , is in the eye of the beholder, yes, but I would want to know someone inside-out before I declared them beautiful. And yes, it's a lovely compliment, I'm just saying it also feels pretty awkward. Especially, when you're with other people. Maybe I'm the weirdo, cause being complimented freaks me out. But, in this instance it does. And I also don't get why having a disability seems to have made me more approachable. In college, I was really unsure of myself, and tended to think people liked me very much. I did everything I possibly could fit into my schedule, and never thought much about that. I think, maybe because I had so much energy, but I never really slowed down enough to realize that other people aren't as spastic. The more progress I make, the more inclined I feel, to go that route again.I feel this overwhelming need to make up for all the time I've 'lost' hanging out in my own little world all the time.
Well back to the seed swap, I went to find out what the deal was, and was beyond impressed. Such a unique idea, and really made Burlington feel more like a community, as opposed to the impersonal city, it often feels like now. Everyone from local citizens to larger scale farmers, and garden suppliers had donated seeds. There were half opened seed packets organized by plant group. Flowers, root veggies, leafy greens, herbs, etc. A really cool gathering, and a great way to make seeds available to the community. Just wish I lived somewhere I could grow plants. Always helps. Towards the end, there was a tasty little potluck, I partook in some delicious foods, before getting picked up to go over to a Flynn family gathering. I love how close that family is, and even more, I love that they still want to include me in their gatherings. I had my second dinner when we got there, and then partook in a curious game involving1 word hints and charades. I was kind of nervous I'd loose my balance getting carried away doing something. I managed to stay on my feet, somehow. It was so nice to be able to participate in a game like that, and feel ridiculously self-conscious.
And, now, it's Sunday, and I'm attempting to motivate myself to go troll around in the sun, with my jogger. Being, that's one of goals for the day, I'm going to wrap this up. Thank you for reading this!


Dad said...

Hey, you too... rambling thoughts.
I have better ones when i exercise too. As always, it is great to read your posts. To me, they are always enlightening. :)

Julie/Mom said...

Glad you realize how much you cram into a always have.
Also happy you connected with Flynns again. I know they consider you part of the family and always will. They are a wonderful family ... and you, a wonderful person too!
Love, Mom