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Friday, July 26, 2013

The end is near...

(heh, of my rehab. program)

Real, personal details have always been difficult for me to express, even before my injury.  Throughout my life, I've been blessed with many great family members, and friends.  In a lot of ways I feel robbed of many of the former relationships I've had, with everyone, from family, to old friends.  Fortunately, many have patiently stood by, but, I always find that hard to remember, when I finally muster the courage to contact old friends, usually from college, and then, either don't get a response, or do, but then they cancel, before we meet, and disappear again.  Making friends was much easier before my injury.  I've changed in a lot ways, though, we all do, just in different ways.

Up until now, I've been so focused on getting myself to a place where I'm comfortable, out in the world.  There have been many amazing souls along the way, the 'grace' I'm told I show, in my situation, has been, in large part, due to the strength, and compassion shown to me, by others.  It's not like any of this has been easy, but, the people in my life have all given me different aspects to appreciate, and look forward to.  Those, all being positive things, are the things I most appreciate, and prefer to center my stories around.

Yesterday, was a purely beautiful day here in Burlington.  My day began with physical therapy.  I've always enjoyed, and looked forward to PT. I've worked with many, over the years, often switching between, to find ones with skills, that match my interests, in terms of rehabilitation.   It really comes down  to appreciating how I can measure the progress, definitively, and the more I do, the more I'm able to do.

I've been going for  a few months, and recently realized, I usually get cut off around this time frame, and this realization, was rather disturbing.  They couldn't give me any answers, but that's probably for the best anyways.

My roommate came to bring to my last team meeting, of which there's been 2 or 3.  Last year, around this time, I demanded both my parents come out, for the last team meeting, and there have been around 8 more, since.  But, unlike that one, and others since, this one, really did feel like the culmination.  I have spent every day of the last 6 years working towards this goal.  It has probably taken, up until this time, to realize that I will always have a brain injury, there's nothing I can do, to get the last 6 years back.  Truthfully, a lot of the experiences have been sullen, unfair, frightening, infuriating, and/ or purely disappointing.  Though, working through those hardships, has made me stronger, and enabled me to believe in myself, again realize anything is possible, depending, on your approach to the problems.   The world isn't black and white, and if you are creative enough to forge your own path, then your boundaries are limitless.    Yes, it might be frustrating, difficult, and even terrifying, but facing the harsh realities in life, but it does does pay off.  The key is to trust the right people, and to believe in yourself.  I'd be a crazy liar if I said I always remember to keep these things in mind.  However, the perspective I've gained from all of my experiences, as a whole, is pretty invaluable, in my opinion. My life hasn't turned out to be anything I thought I ever wanted, but that all depends on how I choose to view my circumstances.  Though, life isn't about getting everything you ever wanted, it's more about making the most of it.  So, the inevitable question, I face now, where to go, from here?


Anonymous said...

Hey Kid,
That is a great question! Where do we go from here?
I ask myself that almost everyday...
By the way, Congradulations! You are awesome! You have worked so hard too! We all make our own way don't we...
( that is a great title for a book)

Julie/Mom said...

we all wonder "where from here??"
Your thoughts put into words are so poignant and you express yourself so well. I am so proud of you and congrats on a new milestone.. rehab. is now behind you, at least from the VNA. Keep up with your writing and PT...they both serve you well.
Love you the most!

Anonymous said...

Hi Courtney,

Your thoughts and writing are so honest that it makes me stop and really look at life. You inspire so many with all you have gone through and accomplished. Always remember that even if people aren't in touch it doesn't mean you aren't in their thoughts. Keep up your writing. I look forward to your new posts.

Debbie Seaver

Melanie Langmeyer said...

Hi Courtney. I just met you recently so I haven't traveled much of your road with you. But I feel compelled to say that your wonderful personality makes me smile and your determination inspires me. As I told you when you visited my farm with Pam E., I have only been to the Burlington area once, but what a gorgeous area to live in while discovering your path in life. Congratulations on your milestone, but somehow I think this is more of a beginning than an end.

Marti said...

You are so very wise, Court. I'm looking forward to the next phase of your life. With your positive perspective on life, it promises to be a remarkable one!

Please keep writing.

Courtney Blasius said...

Thank you all, for your support, and remarks! It means a lot to me to know that you're all still there!
Melanie, I loved visiting your farm, as wll as meeting you. I completely agree with your wise words, that this is a new beginning, though, I just don't know what that beginning is yet.

Hazel said...

Court, Have you ever thought about writing a book?

Anonymous said...

I just finished reading your post and I must say you have quite a gift with words!

I'd like to answer your question-
Where to go from here?