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Sunday, May 15, 2011

oh, the life I lead...

I think I last wrote just after Easter, and now,I've just finished the course I took this Spring, iin health-care policy and administration. I've really been appreciating these courses, as its been forcing me to re-integrate myself in a setting where I actually feel 'normal'. It's such a relief to be in a setting where I understand (for the most part) what is expected of me, and am not so insanely self-conscious. I do lack a certain self-confidence in regard to the lack of control I may have over my balance. in my body anymore, In addition,I can no longer trust actions or movement it may decide to enact, and catch me off guard. Yep, good times.
Well, now that I've finished whining about that, onto more exciting things that still frustrate. Sorry, it's just kind of day, it's raining, and school is done, so, I don't have anything to be doing.
It's funny before this happened to me I always wondered how and why people would get into drugs. I totally get it now, you ca only get turned down, or lose benefits so many times, before 'taking a mental vacation, from the idiot-holes who hold onto the puppet strings of your supposed well-being. I et that I should be appreciative of their help, and the assistance they are trying to provide. However, it's been 3 1/2 years of the same old story. Oddly enough, I keep making progress physically, all by myself, mostly because I've realized how snappy, and edgy I get if I'm not able to release any of my pent up anger and frustrations. Which leads me to my next story I have. Once again, about my jogger. I ran my first 5k with my dad on Mother's Day weekend. I used the jogger and it took 57 minutes. To be honest, I saw that time, and was pissed. In high school, a slow 5k was anything above 30 min. I'm often forgetting I need to have different standards for myself, and what I can get done. So, this week, I finished 20 minutes faster than last. However, I realized that I had taken a wrong turn when the lead runner passed me a second time, which meant had done a super short 2nd lap because I'm so sow he shoudve finished while I woul'dve been just starting my 2nd lap.
In school, I used to sit down, and write a 5-10 pg paper the night before it was due. I can't do that anymore, mostly because I type so so slowly. Which also makes life very difficult in terms of finding a job. I can use the speech to text software, however, my editing skills, aren't A+ because of my visual processing. Well, these are only some of my stories, but I'm done staring at this screen, so, that's all for now folks...


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3 comments:

Julie/Mom said...

Court...
It's good to get everything out on paper...you certainly do not have a boring life although I know it's anything but what you want right now. Your progress is outstanding and it's all due to your determination and fortitude. Your boredom leads you to accomplish your goals, both physically and mentally. Congratulations on completing your second term class and the second 5K!!! Glad you are letting us all know just how you feel and what you are up to, no matter what!! Love you the most! Mom

Marti said...

Keep it up Court. You're doing so well! Congrats. on finishing that class and your 5K run! Love you!

Aunt Marti

Anonymous said...

Court, your writing shows your intelligence, talent, and determination. In looking back the last 3 1/2 years, you have come a million miles. I am cheering you on from the sidelines! Love you! Nancy